Dear Shelagh
by Weshallc
Summary: Companion Piece to Bricks and Mortar. Also refurbished 12/04/19


Saint Aston's Parish Church

Handsworth

Birmingham

November 5th 1963

Dear Shelagh,

I know this letter will find you in testing times. The only small offer of comfort I can extend, is that I also share the pain of your loss. Even so many miles away, I feel so close to my Nonnatun family, because of you. Thank you for your thoughtful correspondence at what must be a most difficult time, but also a busy one.

I have found great solace in your consideration keeping me abreast of events in London. Although it is not only for myself that your words have provided comfort. The whole congregation and wider community here, are also mourning Mrs Hereward.

As you will know, probably through Dr Turner, I am now classed as a day patient at Northfield. I visit once a month or more frequently, if they or I feel it is required. At first it felt very foreign to me, being back in a suburban setting, but my family were very patient and kind. As they have been throughout this whole trying time.

Dear Barbara knew of my discharge and came to visit me at my parents. We found we were no great distance apart. A direct bus route connected my family home and the Hereward's church.

I started attending regularly and saw there was a need to help Barbara in the Sunday School, so I offered my services. The Herwards were very generous in their gratitude. When to be truthful, it was actually I, that had the greatest reason to be grateful. I enjoyed being useful again and being back in a place of faith.

I have also found that some of my other rather unremarkable talents have come in useful. When the organist is unavailable, my somewhat lacking skills at the piano are called upon. As you may recall, I am no Timothy. I have also added to the rather scant choir. Barbara must have mentioned my Girls Brigade experience and I have also been able to help in some capacity.

I had felt very much part of a community at Northfield, a very peculiar one at times. A family brought together by one common dysfunction, so many of us had very little else to commend us to one another.

I hadn't realized how reliant I had become on this truly dysfunctional family, until it was time to leave them.

The bond that tied us together, may in certain cases, have only consisted of one single thread. It may as well have been made of steel, considering the pain of breaking it on parting. The thread that binds me to the Herewards church is a familiar one. I know it is one you know so well. I must confess that for some time, I was unsure if those chords would ever support me again. They only seemed to restrict or restrain me.

Following the Hereward's return to Poplar, I found myself drawn closer to the church. The reverend here, is older than Tom and himself, a widower. Tom and Barbara brought a great deal of energy. Taking into consideration the permanent vicar's health, he is still not fully restored from his illness. I sensed a shortfall in the vibrancy that the Herewards had helped to create here. After the dreadful news had reached us from home of Barbara's death, I felt more than ever that the onus was on me. I had to try and prevent the good work of the Herewards from being squandered and forgotten far too quickly.

I have therefore taken on the role of live-in housekeeper to our dear vicar. He is a good man with a strong faith and a ministry of compassion and justice. This has given me such joy, for I am no longer a burden to my family and am making my way, once more independently, in the world. I have also taken on a lot of the somewhat tedious administration that running a parish church affords.

At first I was afraid I may be taking on a little too much. If I can somehow help to maintain some sort of legacy for the Herewards here in Birmingham. That in itself will provide me with no end of strength and vitality.

Would you pass on my sincere apologies for not attending Barbara's funeral to Nonnatus. I have written a personal letter of condolence to Mr Hereward. The congregation here wanted to do something specific to remember Barbara. So we held our own memorial service. It was very simple, but quite beautiful. We had more parishioners come to pay their respects, than make-up our Sunday morning congregation. The Herewards, in such a short time, had very much become part of this neighbourhood.

As much as I long to see you all again, I felt that this wasn't the right time. I believe I am more use here and Tom would understand and maybe be glad of it. If I am to be completely honest with you Shelagh, I felt a return to Poplar at present would raise too many questions. Ones I am afraid I still can not find the answers to. It is not from want of searching on my part.

I believe the Lord has placed me here for a purpose. Though the work that I am doing is small and I can nowhere near replicate the efforts and rewards of the Herewards time here. I feel this is where my journey rests for now.

I don't believe I ever really thanked Dr Turner for referring me to Northfield. Would you please do that on my behalf. When I was at Nonnatus and Chichester, I felt a great sense of expectation. It was probably imagined, I am not sure, I felt I had to overcome what had occurred, for the sake of others. In the institution I felt I needed to be healed, again for the sake of others and their reputations. At Northfield no-one expected anything of me. I wasn't forced to try and overcome or heal. Just given time to be where I was and who I was, and then time to find out who that now is. I am still not entirely sure, but for the first time in a very long time, I am not afraid to find out.

Please send my most heartfelt condolences to all at Nonnatus. If you get to speak to Trixie, please tell her I can be contacted at the Hereward's old Birmingham address and long to hear from her.

Hope this finds you and your family well, I hope to meet Teddy soon and visit your new home. I hope Angela and Sister Monica Joan enjoyed the birthday cards, as much as the Sunday School children enjoyed making them.

God be with you always

Your dear friend

Cynthia Miller


End file.
